Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
