If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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