Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
