Are we in a gay sports bar?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
