Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
