you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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