His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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