Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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