And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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