Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
