She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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