don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
