I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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