just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
