you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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