Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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