dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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