Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
