Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
