so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
