I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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