either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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