he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I won the penis lottery.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
