Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
