i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
