Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
