8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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