Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize