You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
