We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
