I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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