Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
