lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
