Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize