just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
