I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
