oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
