I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
