the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
