i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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