1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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