i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
