i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
