So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
