I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
