it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize