I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
