dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
