i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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