All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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