he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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