i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
4 words: hood of his car
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
