I just cut my nipple shaving
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
