Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
