Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
