the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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