drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
