I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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