life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize