I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
