I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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