I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
