Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
