I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize