Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just invented taco cereal.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize