I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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