did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
