He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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