Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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