If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
