i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize