Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
