Who wears a wallet chain?!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
