So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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