I wanna bring you to show and tell
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
