literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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