youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
