I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
